Choosing your bridal party should be fun. It’s supposed to be about picking your favourite humans and giving them fancy titles. So why does it feel like you’re navigating a diplomatic crisis?
Between your college roommate who still brings up that road trip from 2015, your cousin who keeps dropping hints, and your partner’s sibling you’ve met exactly three times, the whole thing can spiral from “exciting celebration” to “emotional minefield” faster than you can say “save the date.”
Here’s the truth: you’re allowed to be selective. Your bridal party isn’t a participation trophy situation. These bridesmaids and groomsmen will be with you through fittings, pre-wedding chaos, and whatever unfolds on the actual day. Choose wisely, choose honestly, and choose for the right reasons.
What to Consider When Choosing Your Bridal Party
Before you start making lists and second-guessing yourself, get clear on what matters to you. Not what matters to Pinterest or your mom or wedding tradition, but to you.
Do you want a small wedding party of ride-or-dies who know your coffee order and your deepest anxieties? Great. Do you want a big, boisterous group of bridesmaids that’ll turn getting ready into a party? Also great. Do you want exactly one maid of honour standing beside you, or maybe none at all? Still great.
Think about the vibe you’re going for. Are these people there for emotional support, logistical help, or purely symbolic reasons? All valid, but knowing your priorities makes choosing your bridal party infinitely easier.
How Many People Should Be in Your Bridal Party?
Decide on your bridal party size early, because it affects everything. More bridesmaids and groomsmen means more opinions, more schedules to coordinate, more bouquets to buy, and more group chat chaos.
Consider your wedding style. A backyard ceremony with 40 guests probably doesn’t need eight bridesmaids. A grand ballroom affair can handle a bigger wedding party. Think about your budget too, because gifts and flowers and thank-you gestures add up quickly.
The average bridal party has between three and five people per side, but there’s no magic number. Your numbers don’t need to match your partner’s either. Asymmetrical bridal parties are completely normal now. If you want four bridesmaids and they want two groomsmen, nobody’s keeping score except possibly your most traditional relatives (who will get over it).
Choosing Bridesmaids Based on Current Friendships
Friendships change. That’s not sad or cold, it’s just reality. The person you were inseparable from in university might not be the person you call when life gets real anymore.
Your wedding party should reflect your current life, not some nostalgic version of the past. Who do you actually talk to? Who shows up when things get hard? Who makes you laugh until you can’t breathe?
If your longest friendship has quietly faded into annual birthday texts, you don’t owe them a bridesmaid spot out of guilt or history. Honour the relationship for what it was, but choose your bridal party based on what your friendships are now.
Do You Have to Return the Favour? Understanding Bridal Party Etiquette
“But I was in her wedding” is not a binding contract. You’re allowed to make different choices when selecting your own bridal party.
Life moves on. Circumstances shift. Maybe you were closer back then. Maybe the dynamic has changed. Maybe you’ve realized that reciprocal bridal party invitations aren’t actually how meaningful friendships work.
If you want to include someone in a different way, do that instead. Ask them to do a reading, invite them to get ready with you, or save them a seat at the head table. There are plenty of ways to show someone they matter without making them a bridesmaid.
Consider Each Person’s Availability and Budget
Being in a bridal party sounds fun until you realize it comes with fittings, expenses, time commitments, and a group chat that never sleeps. Not everyone’s in a place to handle that.
Look at each potential bridesmaid or groomsman’s life honestly. Are they drowning in work deadlines? In the middle of a cross-country move? Barely keeping their head above water financially? Dealing with their own major life stuff?
Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is not ask someone who’s already stretched too thin. It’s not about doubting their love for you. It’s about being realistic about what being in a wedding party actually requires.
Creating a Non-Traditional Bridal Party
Your bridal party doesn’t need to look like something from a 1950s etiquette manual. Modern wedding parties are more flexible than ever. You can have bridesmen on your side. Your partner can have groomswomen. You can skip the whole “maid of honour” hierarchy and just have a group of equally important attendants.
Some couples have co-maids of honour. Some have a “best person” instead of best man or maid of honour. Some have attendants who aren’t part of the official bridal party but still help behind the scenes.
The point is flexibility. Build your wedding party around the people you love, not around outdated gender roles or traditional structures that don’t fit your life.
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How to Ask Someone to Be in Your Bridal Party
When you’re ready to invite someone to be a bridesmaid or groomsman, have a real conversation. Tell them why you chose them, what the role involves, and what you’re hoping for.
Be upfront about the big stuff: mandatory events, budget expectations, time commitments, and your overall approach (are you a “let’s DIY everything” couple or a “show up and look pretty” couple?).
Nobody likes surprises when it comes to bridal party obligations. Clear communication now prevents resentment later. And give them room to say no without guilt. A real friend will understand if they genuinely can’t commit to being in your wedding party.
Handling Hurt Feelings When Choosing Your Bridal Party
Even with the best intentions, someone might feel left out of your bridal party. That’s not your fault. You can’t control other people’s expectations or emotions.
If someone’s upset about not being chosen as a bridesmaid, acknowledge it without over-apologizing. Keep your explanation simple and kind. Don’t defend yourself aggressively or list all the reasons they didn’t make the cut (ouch). Just reassure them that the friendship still matters.
Most people come around once the initial sting fades. If they don’t, that tells you something important about the relationship anyway.
Coordinating with Your Partner on Bridal Party Selection
If you have a partner, you’re both building this wedding party together. Sit down and talk through your priorities, your must-haves, and any potentially awkward situations.
Maybe your partner’s sibling expects to be included in the bridal party. Maybe you’re worried about an old friend who’s become unreliable. Maybe you both want a tiny wedding party but feel family pressure to go bigger.
Work it out together before you start asking people to be bridesmaids or groomsmen. A unified front prevents confusion, hurt feelings, and those “but I thought we agreed” arguments later.
Setting Bridal Party Expectations and Boundaries
Boundaries aren’t mean. They’re clarifying.
Let your wedding party know what you expect: spending limits for bridesmaid dresses or groomsmen suits, dress codes, social media preferences, arrival times, and how involved you want them in wedding planning.
When everyone in your bridal party knows the ground rules from the start, there’s less room for misunderstandings. You’re not being controlling, you’re being clear. There’s a difference.
How Long Should You Take to Choose Your Bridal Party?
Just because you got engaged doesn’t mean you need to assemble your wedding party by Tuesday. Give yourself a few weeks or even months to think it through.
Time gives you perspective. You’ll see which friendships feel solid and which ones might be running on fumes. You’ll get a clearer sense of what your wedding will actually look like. You’ll make better decisions about your bridesmaids and groomsmen when you’re not riding the high of fresh engagement excitement.
Rushing leads to regrets. Waiting leads to clarity when choosing your bridal party.
FAQs About Choosing Your Bridal Party
How many bridesmaids is too many?
Should your bridal party be the same size as your partner's?
Do you have to have a maid of honour?
What if someone asks why they weren't chosen for your bridal party?
Can you have family members in your bridal party?
How far in advance should you ask someone to be in your wedding party?
What does being in a bridal party cost?
Can you remove someone from your bridal party after asking them?
Your bridal party should make your life easier, not harder. Choose bridesmaids and groomsmen who lift you up, who you trust completely, and who’ll bring good energy to the whole wedding planning process.
Skip the guilt. Skip the obligation. Skip the idea that you need to please everyone or follow some imaginary checklist when selecting your wedding party. This is your wedding, your celebration, and your chance to surround yourself with people who genuinely make you happy.
Pick your bridal party thoughtfully, communicate clearly about expectations, and set boundaries without apology. Do that, and the drama will take care of itself.
