You just got the news that your friend is tying a knot for the second (or third) time. Nowadays, second marriages are becoming increasingly common, and even though it shouldn’t be a big deal… it can be a tricky situation to navigate.
Here are six things to avoid saying to your friend before their second marriage:
1. Are you doing _______ this time?
Trust us, while preparing for their second, or even third wedding, your friend does not want to hear you ask about how this wedding will compare to the previous one. Especially if you’re talking about the wedding with the spouse-to-be, you want to make sure that each part of this wedding is exciting, and not a reminder of the first wedding.
2. So soon?
Yes, getting married is a big deal. So, even if the ink is barely dry on their divorce papers, this can come across as insensitive. Remember, in Canada, you have to be separated for a year before a divorce can be official – so questioning the timing of your friends marriage can come across as insensitive.
3. You’re not having a big wedding right?
To make one thing clear – assuming that your friend is going to have a small wedding simply because they have been married before is insensitive. Since you likely don’t know all the information about why their first marriage didn’t work, you shouldn’t offer an opinion on the size of their second.
Suggesting that your friend doesn’t deserve the wedding they want simply because it’s their second wedding can come across as petty.
4. Oh, your first wedding was so _________:
Again, no one wants to play the comparison game when it comes to their second wedding. Trust us, your friend is aware that this is their second wedding, they do not need a constant reminder from you asking how this will compare to their first wedding.
Even if their first wedding was awesome, you should still avoid pointing out that this is their second marriage. Instead try saying something along the lines of ‘you have great taste, I’m sure it will be awesome.’
5. Who’s paying this time?
Even though most of us are aware enough not to ask how someone is paying for their wedding – somehow people forget their manners when it comes to second weddings. Today, there are no rules when it comes to who is paying for what for the wedding, so this question isn’t great to ask.
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6. Does your ex know?
You wouldn’t ask this to a friend getting married for the first time, so don’t ask it this time. People are exes for a reason and assuming that their ex has a right to know about the marriage can come across as insensitive. As a general rule of thumb, when your friend is planning their wedding, you shouldn’t ask about their ex.